"First Love"

Monday, I went to the cemetary to "visit" my grandparents.  It's a small family cemetary going back a few generations.  There are other people besides my family buried there. It's not closed to non-family members.  Some we don't have a clue who they are and some have ties to our family, one way or another.  One of those is the first boy I ever loved.  You see, when I was 6 years old, Cupid sent an arrow straight to my heart and I fell in love with a blue-eyed, blonde-haired boy. 

His headstone has his picture on it.  I wonder if it was the only portrait he ever had made.   It was his high school senior picture.  I have one just like it somewhere in a box of old pictures. He was 48 yrs old when he died.  Murdered, actually, by his best friend.  They were drunk.

He was not always a drunk.  I remember a sweet boy who walked 4 or 5 miles in the blistering summer sun just to spend a little time with me.  Back then, every boy didn't have a driver's license and a car. They walked. He was the boy who asked me on my very first date.  My daddy wouldn't let me go.  I had literally pined for him and he'd owned my heart for 8 long years. And, my daddy said no.  I was 14 and he was 17.  He moved on soon after to a girl who was allowed to date. 

He got married when he was 19.  I was 16 and I went to his wedding and cried my eyes out.  I got married at 18, and still, every time I saw him around town my heart did a happy dance.  I loved my young husband and I had loved other boys, but, my heart just couldn't help itself.  He was my very first love and he held such a special place.  Then one day, I grew up and I didn't love him anymore.

Garth Brooks has a song about thanking God for unanswered prayers.   He turned out to be one of those prayers.  He became an alcoholic and I heard rumors of spousal abuse. I felt sad because I knew he didn't grow up in those conditions.  He had been a cop and I heard rumors about why he wasn't a cop anymore. Not good either. What changed him?  I remember a sweet boy who wanted to grow up and be a writer of detective stories, one who was a member of his high school football team.  The one who asked me out for my first date. 

He's been gone so long now, 17 years.  I remember picking up the newspaper and seeing the headline...Former City Policeman Killed.  I didn't even have to look at the name, in my heart of hearts, I knew it was him.  And, though I'd stopped loving him long before, I cried. 

He will always be that sweet young man to me and he will always hold a special place in my heart.  May he always rest in peace.

Take care,
Sherry